Don’t Be a Sharon

Don’t Be a Sharon

Stealing From Little Old Ladies

Hi boys and girls- my name is Ethel, or if your parents taught you well, Mrs. Falkenberg. I promise that everything I am about to tell you is true- or, in my advanced age, I just misremembered.

Forty years ago we had it all- the American Dream! My Husband, Harold Falkenberg, (those watching Ethel write see her spit when she types her former husband’s name) had just been promoted to Senior Director at Xander Financial. He was rather brilliant with tax strategy, and had done very well. This meant a private office and a secretary. That is where Sharon came in. Even I have to admit she was attractive, but I had kept my figure, and Harold (spit) and I had shared 20 great years of marriage. We had a great place in Battenberg Heights, not far from my parents in Retropolis, and life was really great. Of course, I should have paid more attention to my horoscope that morning he called and told me the news- “The full moon has the potential to unlock ways for you to make money. Awesome. The bad news: It comes with strings. Look not only at the opportunities, but their costs.” The cost was my marriage, but I would not know that for a very long time.

I met Harold’s (spit) new secretary, Sharon during her first full week with him. I had come to have lunch with him, and she was charming while I waited. She told me about her life- she grew up in Zericho, and her father worked in the Dream Garden. She was married then, for about 3 years, and seemed happy and genuine……

We eventually became friends- attended weddings, funerals, and birthdays together, had quarterly barbecues, the whole thing. Eight years later Harold (spit) got promoted to Vice President! I thought we would have everything- but instead he shared everything with Sharon.

Long story short– and I will have to revisit this as part of therapy, but today I am too mad– Harold died of a heart attack, and I found out that the millions of dollars we should have had were all gone- spent on Sharon! She has a lavish home in Avalon, a wardrobe to envy, other homes around the world, and a private bleeping jet! Meanwhile I have to live on Social Security- the only thing I got is the Aircar! Sharon stole my money, and my husband- legally, but one day she will pay!! Karma is coming!


Ethel picture of Grece Ghanem
Sharon picture from 20th Century Fox


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