What Makes “YOU” Happy?

Saturday, February 17^th, 2024

“Garrick, you seem to enjoy battle almost as much as I once did. Yet your quest for conflict extends past the battlefield. Tell me, if you will – why did you take that pill?”

While floating in the air in Antarctica mere seconds from the end of the most recent battle, the Gryphon finds himself once more inside what he believes is the pocket dimension that holds the winged, flame haired, celestial, Ashmadiel within his sword. Embarrassed he replied, “As a kid, I never did anything really out there or wild. I always thought when I solved homelessness or got humanity to the stars there would be time for partying and cutting loose. Someone in the spaceship said it would add 3 inches to my umm, stuff. I thought if it was alien maybe it would be real. So I risked it and turns out it’s just alien Viagra. So, it’s a stimulant to help people that cannot get aroused. Frankly, it could have been so much worse but I didn’t want to grow old and think: “What I should have done.” As opposed to: “Wow, that was a wild ride!” So right or wrong, smart or dumb I went for it.”

“You should check yourself later. That pill worked better than you realize. One truth here is that you almost never flinch once you make a decision. Some would find that to be an admirable trait. But are you sure that was the reason why you made that decision, with Katherine sitting on your lap?”

“Oh, are you in my sub-conscious mind because the bond is stronger?”

“The longer we are connected the easier it is to speak like this. It also allows me to sometimes see the thoughts you yourself do not seem to realize. Such as a question you have that you seem reluctant to address further. This has caused a radical thought process shift in you. Why do you feel Katherine will hate you like your sister, Adeline?”

“While it is not hard for me to talk with people, I have had a hard time making friends. Logistically, Janosh, is my best friend but that relationship happened over time and stood the test. He has seen me at my lowest and climb back up without judging me. I don’t know if you have found it in my thoughts but he is one of two people that knows my deepest secret. The only person I actually ‘clicked’ with was Patsy. Stefania and I have a lot in common and while she is a younger prettier version of Patsy, I can’t stop thinking of Patsy when I see her so it’s kind of painful to talk with her for long periods of time. Ameera has me at a loss because she seems to understand me more than everyone and apparently would encourage my viewpoints on love in a way no one else seems to.

Now I like my group S.A.V.I.O.R., but I have only known them for a month and two days! Patsy I have only known for 6 weeks. The ladies at the Norwood Knights have only been a week since the fateful hall-pass night. This morning I guess my dreams have stopped being so painful but now they seem to be me processing question I fear of asking in my waking mind.”

“You fear Katherine seeing these thoughts?”

“Yes, I thought I understood relationships, but now that I am in one using a style I don’t seem to understand well I am freaking out. First, I don’t want to hurt Katherine but I promised to be exclusive because I was afraid she would leave like Patsy did. Having even new friends like my teammates and the NK ladies has made me realize I have a fear of being alone. I do love Patsy just like the love at first sight. I love Katherine for everything we have been through. I feel I am falling for Ameera because she is not trying to date me, but understands and appears to support me regardless of what needs to be done. This morning I realized that I don’t think I am “In Love” with anyone because I don’t really feel anyone could love me. Patsy and Ameera are higher up on that list right now. I know Katherine has lied to me once. I’m afraid that her willingness to hide as a defense mechanism means that there are more lies I just don’t know about.

However, the one I know the most about is Katherine / Michelle, and she’s had shit luck with men and I don’t want to hurt her. I finally got her to be friends with Granny2Good by redesigning her outfit. I’m hoping there ways to work past trust issues I am having. I am not sure how to bring up my needs without being hurtful to her idea of a happy couple. I am so new I feel I did not read the instruction manual and now I am paying for it.”

Ashmadiel’s eyes flashed with fire for a monent as she stared at Garrick. “Do you think it would make her happy if giving her what she wants is making you unhappy? Garrick, what do you want? What makes you happy?”

“What I want I will never have because time travel is to dangerous to screw with.”

Ignoring that dodge of her question, she focused on the more important part. “What makes you happy then?”

“That, I am realizing I don’t know, and I am afraid to try and find what makes me happy because it might hurt someone else.”

“Such as Katherine?”

“Yes”

“What do you plan to do to solve this?”

“Nothing. When I signed up to be a hero, I signed up to put others before me. I just realize now I’ve been doing it since I was eight years old. Well, at the moment nothing, I need more time to figure things out. If helping Katherine requires being hated by her it’s nothing I haven’t been through before.”

“Do you want her to hate you then? Do you feel everyone will eventually hate you?”

“No, I would like to think most people I meet like me actually. I feel fairly confident the team likes me. I also feel that I can develop friendships with the Norwood Knights. Okay, I know what I want in the short term, I want to develop more friends than my lawyer and owners and one co-worker of the company I’m employed at. Long term, I want to design a fusion reactor. Medium-to-short term I want to understand love better so I can be honest about the style of relationship I need.”

“And you will do that, even if it hurts Katherine?”

“Then I guess she can hold Adeline’s knife. I hope it doesn’t but being stabbed by a woman I’ve made mad at me is not new.”

Ashmadiel’s eyes flash with fire again as she scowls at his answer, but she says no more. Garrick’s vision goes dark and begins to become snow bright white once more.

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Art by: AZ_Artisan
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