rise of the quazi nauts

by Alyssa Herring (with fan art from tumblr)

hi.  i’m not good at this but i wanted to do it for quasi (thank you spell check btw!) .  She’s a goddess so my friends and i followed her to century station from Austin. i’m gonna start with the first time I saw her.

i was working at the dentist’s office when a huge dude crashed through the front wall.  he was a mostly normal looking dude built like a truck but he had a horn on his face like a ryno. i thought he was big but a second later a bigger glowing red and gold lizard stuck its neck into the shop and grabbed his arm and threw him out onto the street.  a beautiful voice like the kind you would expect to come from a really glamorous supermodel said “Stop!” and everything froze. even the sounds outside got quieter for a second. when i got the courage up i ran outside and the dude was on the other side of the street holding a girl with a gun to her head.  the big glowing lizard was right next to me looking at the dude. the lizard noticed me and patted my shoulder with her tail. suddenly i felt a strange pressure behind my eyes like i was getting a migraine. i looked at the dude across the street and he looked into my eyes. suddenly it was like he was falling in love with me or something and couldn’t look away from me.  i saw the lizard jump in the air and fly over to the dude but he didn’t notice her or something because he was still looking at me. The lizard grabbed the girl and then wrapped the dude up in her tail and flew away.

That was the first time i saw quasi.  after scrolling through tumblr that night for a while i noticed a few posts about run-ins with this lizard who i found out is actually a chinese dragon or something.  I was hooked. i read everything i could find about her. I realized the dragon gave me some kind of hypnosis power. have you ever heard of a superhero that can give powers? nope. superheros can’t do that only gods.  

i haven’t gone to the mosque in years.  my mom is super upset about that but i stopped believing in Allah or any kind of god.  i still wear the hijab but that’s less about god and more about myself. but that day i saw a god and was directly touched by it.  

so this is what i found out about the god.

she calls herself quasi which is something to do with french or maybe a disney cartoon?  she is like four feet tall and twenty feet long. her head is like a mixture of a lion’s head a dog’s head and a lizard’s head.  she has bright orange one foot long mustaches. she has a ridged set of black antlers on her head. she has a stylish uneven maroon mohawk running from the back of her head to the end of her tail along her spine.  the scales on her back and arms are vibrant red, and the larger scales on her underbelly are metallic gold. her hands have five clawed fingers. she has sharp teeth and a long tongue.

when you see her in real life, there’s a kind of aura around her.  you can’t look away even if you wanted to. when she speaks, you do what she wants you to do.  i have never felt this kind of power.  more than just the power she’s a good god.  she helps everyone especially people that don’t have a voice.  

I started to look for her and found out shes a human! or at least that sometimes she goes around like a human.  her human form is called Karia. a bunch of people on tumblr, stumbleupon, instagram, flipagram, facebook, doongle, and twitter talk about orientation and how she’s an advocate.  i don’t know anything about that. all i know is she’s a goddess that helps people.

so i started to follow her around and help her out wherever i could.  She got a job as a bounty hunter. What better job could there be for a goddess that likes to save people?

i was the only one following her that didn’t put the extra advocate stuff on her for quite a while so when people from the internet wanted to come along with me i didn’t let them.  eventually i met tommy mejia. he was like me, following her because she helped him get away from a mugger. we started to call ourselves the real “quazi nauts” and we got the quazi tattoo.  here’s what mine looks like… i tried to copy what it looks like but it looks better on my arm.  the symbol is supposed to look like mercury who was a god of change and trading and stuff. the orientation advocate people say its a symbol for non-binary orientation but that’s not the original meaning.

eventually we came across shayan peersen and kobe barker.  we followed her around and became friends. we started to learn martial arts and kobe taught us how to use guns.

then all of a sudden she told us she was moving to century station.  it took us a while but we all found jobs and moved too. the weeks we spent in century station without quasi were the hardest we ever faced.  but she came finally and we’re a team again!