Cavalry and the Amazing, Excellent, Not Bad, Very Good Day

Cavalry and the Amazing, Excellent, Not Bad, Very Good Day

Based on the story Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.

I went to sleep late and I slept through my alarm and then I woke up late and when I got out of bed this morning I tripped on my unpacked boxes and by mistake I dropped my shirt in the sink while the water was running and despite all that I didn’t break anything and I could tell it was going to be an amazing, excellent, not bad, very good day.

At breakfast I gave Harvey his favorite cat food but when I tried to eat too the refrigerator was broke and all my food was spoiled and my cereal box was empty and my bread was only the crusts and Harvey’s food started to look really good but I was running late and had to leave without eating anything.

I wonder what it’s like this time of year in Australia.

On the bus there were no seats available so I had to stand in the crowded aisle. There were people standing very close to me. I said I was being scrunched. I said I was being smushed. I said, If you don’t give me space someone might get hurt. No one even answered. No one was hurt though.

I could tell it was going to be an amazing, excellent, not bad, very good day.

At work Mr. Dickens liked Paul’s presentation of sales quotas better than my presentation on the value of white space. At the water cooler they told me I talked too loud. Mr. Dickens gave me another report to do but the other ones I have aren’t done and I told him now I had sixteen. Who needs sixteen? I guess it’s good to keep busy. It’s hard to break a report.

I could tell it was going to be an amazing, excellent, not bad, very good day.

I could tell because Paul said he didn’t want me on his projects anymore. He said Philip Parker was going to help him and that Albert Moyo would be his next choice and that I was now his third choice. There were only the four of us to do these reports. I hope you do well, I said to Paul. I hope the next time you give a presentation you get a big promotion and can move to Australia.

The last two free cupcakes Philip Parker took for his lunch and Albert got the last Hershey bar with almonds from the vending machine and Paul shared with everyone else a piece of jelly roll that had little coconut sprinkles on the top that came from the good bakery. Guess who was too busy doing reports to get desert? Maybe today is the day to start my diet finally.

It was an amazing, excellent, not bad, very good day.

That’s what it was, even though after work I went to the dentist and Dr. Fields found a cavity. Come back next week and I’ll fix it, said Dr. Fields. Next week, I said, will work, unless I’m in Australia.

On the way downstairs the elevator door closed on my foot and while we were waiting for the bus to arrive I was splashed by a car then I fell in the mud while everyone around me laughed and when the bus arrived the bus driver scolded me for being wet and muddy and wouldn’t let me on the bus so I had to walk home. Diet and exercise are the keys to staying healthy. It’s hard to break things when I’m walking by myself.

I am having an amazing, excellent, not bad, very good day, I told everybody. No one even answered.

So then I stopped at the dry cleaners to pick up my clean clothes. First they gave me a white shirt with blue stripes belonging to Anthony. Then they gave me a red shirt with white stripes belonging to Nick. I told them mine was a blue one with red stripes but then they said my ticket number matched this plain old white one so they gave me that one. They insisted but I know it’s not mine and they can’t make me wear it.

When I picked up my car from the mechanic he said I should’ve been checking the oil in it more often, but I forgot. He also said the car would take a few more days to fix but with some elbow grease it would be like new. I wanted to use my phone to call a ride but my phone battery died. Probably because of all that web searching I did about Australia. My mechanic said not to come back here until it was done.

It was an amazing, excellent, not bad, very good day.

When I got home two police officers were waiting for me and asked me to go with them. They brought me to the station where they asked me a lot of questions about Carter Wade. I didn’t know anyone by that name. They said he was missing and he had notes about me and why did he have notes about me? I said I didn’t know anything but I don’t think they believed me. They kept me there all evening but let me go and told me we would talk again so I should stay in town and not go anywhere. Where would I go, Australia?

I was very late now but I saw the police followed me so I had to go home. I got home and all I had for dinner was a can of lima beans. I think they must have came with the studio apartment because I hate limas. The cable was out and there was static on the TV and I hate when that happens.

It has been an amazing, excellent, not bad, very good day.

Finally the police left this morning and I could leave. My phone was charged now and I saw all the messages I missed. I think I swore really loudly, and that everyone heard it… even in Australia.